paying respects to Dad

Every CNY Eve, Bro and I would go pay our respects to Dad. His ashes are in an urn housed in Man Fatt Lam Temple near Tanah Merah MRT Station, a short 5min drive away.



The temple premise is full of CNY ornaments and decorations. The festive atmosphere seemed strange to me as I have always associated the place with death and gloom. Can't really blame me here as the only reason for my visiting the temple at all is to pay respects to the dead.





But I must say I loved the flowers and plants that are all around, especially the many types of orchids in various colours.



After taking a short tour round the temple, I discovered that it's actually a very beautiful and peaceful place. If you ignore the waves of people rushing to pay their respects to their ancestors on CNY Eve like Bro and I always do. And oh, minus the irritating smoke from all the incense too - that always chokes me and makes me tear.



I still remember I wrote a very disgruntled entry many years ago (in Oct 2005 to be exact) on having to go pay my respects to Dad just to put up an act to others to show our filial piety. I can't seem to find the entry in Moblog though, so if anyone can send me the link to that entry, it'll be greatly appreciated. Thanks to Flyaway who sent me the url, you can read the entry here.

In recent years, Bro and I have been going to visit my Dad willingly, without Mama. We still go through the motion of offering incense, burning clothes and paper money for Dad's use in the other world etc. But we're now doing it for a different reason: so that Mama will feel more at ease knowing she's ensured her children had executed their filial duties.

I now look forward to spending a few minutes just having a one-to-one private conversation with Dad. I will update him on my life in the past one year. I will ask for him to continue guarding over the family, to make sure Bro and Mama stay safe and healthy.

There is no more drama of Mama screaming at us to prepare for the visit to the temple because she'll feel guilty and blame herself for her incompetence at being a mother if we don't do what's required; no more of me questioning the whole purpose of this pointless exercise because it's no longer pointless to me; no more sibling rivalry to determine who has the right (the background of this being in Chinese tradition, only the son is considered part of the family while the daughter is not) to represent the family to make offerings to Dad; and no more of Bro's tantrums and attempts to avoid his supposed duties as the only son in the family.

All in all, we have all grown. We have learnt to accept that certain things have happened and to move on. We have, in our own ways, found the reason and meaning to uphold the traditional practices. We now seek comfort in knowing that by what we do and not do, has significant impact on ourselves and to the people who matter around us. And all these have brought the family closer together.