This is the longest break I've ever taken from blogging since I started this site. In this 5-month hiatus, I've made several major life-changing decisions which I will attempt to summarise here for posterity's sake.
Sometime mid last year in 2011, an extended session at the doctor's confirmed a medical condition inherited from the paternal side of the family tree that I've suspected for a long time. The experts believe I wasn't anywhere near the life-threatening phase of the condition although I have had to accept the fact that I will be on medication for the rest of my life. Perhaps one day if and when I am courageous enough, I just might share more details with the world.
Then came a period of extensive soul-searching and self-reflection on exactly what I think my life should be about and how I should live it. Some people don't get their answers despite searching their whole lives. I don't dare to claim I found 'my destined path' so to speak, but I was sure the lack of work-life balance due to the hours and stress from the previous industry I was in and the unique management style of my boss then wasn't the way to go for long. I hardened my heart and tendered my resignation even though I loved what I did so that I may get some sort of sanity back.
There and then, I also decided to give my battered body and mind a good long break. I found that I didn't care that I wouldn't be earning good money and hence would have to sacrifice some material comforts. I also didn't care that people around me gave me weird looks when I offered the "I'm currently jobless" reply to that often-asked question that seems to be one of the most popular among most people's default ice-breaking lines.
Lastly, I promised myself I would pursue all the things I love and had missed out on in my previous life when I'd been too focused on my career.
So. From the time I left my previous employment until now as I type this entry, I have:
- flown back to Singapore to spend quality time with the family
- restarted drum lessons
- done some traveling around Asia with friends and family with whom I hadn't gone on holidays for more than 6 years
- started a little online gig that encompasses many of my interests (I will make a proper announcement of it very soon)
- rested well
- played hard
I have not looked back. I am happy and contented. There will be more to come, I promise.
at the crossroads
stitch and sew
A random impulse pick-up at a Spotlight store turned into an obssession with longstitch projects. Seeing how I have so much wool and thread and needles etc all over the place now, I needed to get some proper housing for them.
So I got this nana-looking sewing box for $10 at a Lincraft sale. I actually really like the pale lilac colour and the embroidered flowers (they look like sunflowers!) on the lid.
Sitting by the large french windows in the reading corner of my room with the sun streaming in, a cup of hot chamomile and honey tea in my hands while I get my sewing kit out to resume my current unfinished project with soft soothing music in the background, I feel like I'm some kind of upper class gentlewoman from the 1800s. LOL
After finishing my first longstitch piece from a purchased kit that included the design, canvas and wool, I thought I'd design my own pieces from the second project onwards. So I started out sketching on the drawing board and finally got a chance to use my favourite Faber-Castells for some colouring exercise! Happy like mad. The tedious part was then transferring the sketch onto the sewing canvas and putting the stitches in.
And here's the completed project (left most is the piece from the kit and the centrepiece was something I got at an artisan market a few years back). Although it looks decent from a distance, I am personally really disappointed with some of the details - lesson learnt: due to the small sized canvas, it's best to keep the design simple without too much facial details. And if you'd noticed, I had wanted to put my signature (I practised it for a long time ok!) on it but eventually did away with it as it was too tedious to sew it on.
I already have my next sketch ready to be transformed into another masterpiece. ^_^
all my thoughts & the heart talks
There are many thoughts and feelings I can't publish for the world to read here so I've started a personal written diary. It was love at first sight when I saw this journal at the bookstore in the State Library of Victoria in Melbourne after hunting around for one for like, forever, that 'speaks' to me. The picture of the forlorn moon on the cover was purchased separately and added on afterwards.
I got stickers, coloured pens and scrapbooking materials to add some life into my daily ramblings and put them all into a cute Ingrid & Friends pouch from Kikki K for carrying around wherever I go.
With some effort, I did up the inside cover page to reflect my inner world and and deepest thoughts. Can you figure out what it's trying to say?
Sorry, no peeking after this page. :)
mental therapy puzzles
I love jigsaw puzzles. I've completed more than a few dozen of them when I was in SG, with the most difficult one being a 2000-piece puzzle of an entire field of nothing but sunflowers - that took me months to complete.
I find it very therapeutic when I focus on putting the pieces together and it takes my mind off the everyday stressful stuff when I get myself absorbed and lost in the puzzle-image of the moment.
However, I don't really know what to do with them after fitting the last piece in. I have never had any intention of framing and hanging them up and they aren't always suitable presents for giving away. So I find myself disassembling the pieces and stuffing them back into the boxes them came in and either store them away or chuck them into the bin.
I took some time off work due to health issues lately and had the luxury of time to pick up this favourite past-time again. These two 1000-piece puzzles that I bought at a super bargain were not very challenging though; the first one took me about a day and a half and the second about two days and a bit to complete.
They are back into their boxes now waiting for someone else to spend time with them.
the king and the bone
A while back, I swapped my queen sized bed for a king. Because of my sleeping problems (1. I am an extremely light sleeper who wakes up at the slightest noise or movement; 2. I toss and turn a lot and wake up one thousand times every night to change my position because the mattress gets too warm after lying in the same spot for a while; 3. I have exhausting dreams all night long - this is purely psychological and probably can't be remedied by a change in bed; 4. I get the occasional backache which can partially be attributed to my curved spine methinks.), much effort was spent trying to find a mattress that may help alleviate some of them so I may get a good night's sleep.
After visiting at least half a dozen shops and testing more than a few dozen mattresses, the eventual decision was to get a King Koil firm mattress from the Superior Support collection. When I laid on the display unit, the entire space around me curved to my body contours such that every part of me felt adequately supported (like what one looks out for when buying a bra really) yet still offered the luxurious feeling of floating in water. I also tried lying in the same space for an extended period of time just to see if it gets too warm - the material (blend of pure and something else) supposedly offers optimal temperature regulation all year round - and I was really amazed that it remained sufficiently cool for a long time.
And so, I've been sleeping on this new King for two months now and coupled with some other sleeping aids such as having a cup of warm chamomile tea and relaxing the body and mind by listening to soft music or pampering myself to a whole body moisturising routine before bedtime, I'm definitely sleeping a lot better although I still dream a lot and that alone can make me totally exhausted the next day - I guess I need a sleep therapist or psychologist for this.
In the picture above, you also see a humongous black bone which is a recent acquisition from IKEA. It is a gigantic body pillow that curves in all the right places and 101% more huggable than a traditional bolster. My new pillow formation now sees me sleeping with the side of my head on one pillow, holding a second pillow over the other ear to block out any noise, supporting my chin with the COO pillow, and my legs astride over a traditional pillow (gift from my Fav Tudi and dear Rae specially airmailed to me) and the bone. It's pure heaven.
weird random faces of me
Left: Applying used chilled chamomile tea bags onto my puffy goldfish eyes first thing on a Saturday morning. It really works; the swelling reduced by half after just 20min.
Right: Looking grumpy all decked out in my funky communist attire buried in a massive second hand bookstore. Highlight of the night was I got to study this book published in the 1970s on the 20 tips to enhance your sex life complete with naked couples in totally uncreative sexual positions.
anyone wants to apply to be my chauffeur?
I am blogging from my comfy bed on a slightly sunny and very windy Sunday afternoon right after a quick lunch of roast pork cutlet on a bed of pumpkin and leaves salad and coffee with book one of Stieg Larsson's Millennium Trilogy at the local pub 3.5min walk away instead of enjoying the ocean breeze at a beach or indulging in some sinful chocolate at Max Brenner's - which are the top two things I would like to do right now - because of one stupidly ridiculous reason: I am too lazy to drive.
Exhaustion really kills all motivation for anything and everything. But it's alright. Such quality me-time is therapeutic for a tired soul.
i bought myself...
...a whole heap of presents for Christmas...
1) PS3 console
2) PS3 game - Assassin's Creed II
3) Sony Ericsson AINO
4) Braun Silk-epil Xpressive epilator
5) Rainbow mobile sock for the phone (below pic)
Next on the list is possibly a TV... LCD TV... just so I can coop myself up in the bedroom and play games all day long! Oh and a pair of retro Ray Bans too - Frame Color: Arista Gold, Lens Color: Pink Gold Shaded Mirror.
Almost all my life, I've been pampering others, showering them with gifts all year long special occasion or not, and neglecting myself. This year, due to non stop nagging by THE FRIENDS to love myself more, I decided to go all out. I hope I haven't overdone it. Man, it feels good to be surrounded by new toys!
all things used
Driving around in Sydney can be full of surprises. On one occasion many weekends ago, I saw a hastily scribbled 'Garage Sale' sign stuck on a traffic light post, followed the arrow on it and managed to pick up a huge vintage mirror with a broad stainless steel border with intricate designs, a vintage Regal suitcase and a tiny wooden chair (I intend to place a flower pot on it in a corner of my room) for only $30.
Today, I drove past a used furniture store and made an unplanned stop there while on my way to the beach. Great decision, because I finally found a nice, simple and very affordable bookshelf I've been hunting around for ages. It's made of a dark solid wood and in excellent condition. I love it.
After an hour or so at the beach, the rest of the afternoon was spent doing up a section of my room next to my reading corner - you can see the used bookshelf and vintage suitcase in the picture on the left below, and then practising my guitar (even the guitar is vintage - hand me down from Mama!). Don't I look like a really cultured lady in the picture on the right?
i am contented with sunday picnics
Why are you turning away from me? You're totally ignoring me now.
You get abandoned when the bottle you came with is used.
One Sunday slightly more than a month ago, I woke to a brilliantly sunny but comfortably cool morning and decided to pack a picnic basket for some relaxing time by the beach.
My picnic bag had the following:
- a picnic mat
- a soft bag stuffed with a huge beach towel for resting my head on while lying down, and a cardigan in case it gets chilly
- a bottle of Brown Brothers 2007 Moscato (I love it for its refreshing frizzante effect and light sweetness; the light alcohol content of 5.5% also makes it the most suitable wine in my stash to bring out when I am driving.)
- a vietnamese chicken and cheese bread roll from the famous Hong Ha shop in Mascot (that was my lunch)
- some finger food for snacking throughout the day: spicy hungarian salami, mild spanish salami, prosciutto, black pepper pate, pickled olives with herbs and potato chips
- fruits: a small bunch of grapes and a few kiwis
- a book (Veronika Decides to Die by Paulo Coelho - a birthday present from a colleague) and a photography magazine
- my camera
The above photos were taken when I was lazing on the ground reading my book. I was happy 'cos I had everything I loved around me. There wasn't anything else I wanted on top of what I had at that very moment. Really.
FYI, this was at Maroubra, not the main beach area, but where the land slopes upwards along Marine Parade towards the cliffs. There is a soft green grass patch near Mahon Pool that's perfect for picnics and a few rolls on the slopes.
shadows of spring
The spring leaves outside my windows cast warm fuzzy shadows on the bedroom walls in the evening light. The heart flutters.
housekeeping sunday
grocery shopping - done
vacuum bedroom carpet floor - done
wipe all surfaces in bedroom - done
change bedsheets - done
two loads of laundry - done
unpack luggage from SG trip - done
tidy shoe racks - done
clear the piles of clothes on chairs - done
sort out clothes into their respective sections in wardrobe - done
vacuum bathroom floor - done
wash the basin and bath tub - done
wash toilet bowl - done
tidy the toiletries rack - done
prepare dinner - done
wash dishes - done
tidy and clean kitchen food preparation tops - done
clean out fridge of expired foods - done
empty all rubbish bins in house - done
Total time spent on all the above - from 3pm to 9pm - 6 hours
Sense of achievement? Yes. And very therapeutic too.
assignments for P-C-M-U
As part of 'Project Cheer Monkey Up', I was given a few assignments by a few friends who care:
- dress up a bit to look good
- go for a walk in the sun for some vitamin D
- EAT (it was suggested I go to a nice cafe)
- go get some fresh food/fruit
- go shopping and identify at least five items that Tudi / BH will like
It was an enormous effort for me to take the first step towards loving myself (I have a tendency to love others more than my own self) and convince myself to accept my friends' support (I have a problem with reaching out for help - I always think it as inconveniencing others).
After cooping myself up and crying my eyes swollen for days, I accepted that I can't solve all my problems at once right away and said to myself "Just Phuck It." (inspired by Tudi's msn pic) and just simply relax for a day.
So on this beautiful Saturday, I did a bit of catching up with sleep (I had been sleeping 2 - 3 hours a day for the whole week), then started the day with completing the above assignments in mind.
Because I hadn't been eating much the whole week, I lost 3kg in five days. You may say this is bad. But the good thing was I can now fit into this six years old super garang Levi's dress that had just been in storage for the past three years because I had grown sooooooo fat. I felt slim and pretty when I stepped out of the house. I also unexpectedly bought a dress while spending the day photowalking Newtown (again) - a simple black dress with pop up roses at the hem. Sexaaaaaay right?
Spent the day walking the whole stretch of Newtown and taking photos. I will upload the photos in another entry later. It was a sunny day so I hope I absorbed lots and lots of vitamin D. Explored the weekend market there and found an old army bag which can be worn two different ways and is big enough to fit my camera with an attached lens in for short photowalks. I like it a lot!!! It so matches my garang outfit today right?
Besides the dress and the bag, I also treated myself to some nice tortellini alfredo at the super popular Pastizzi Cafe. I took a pic of their specialty pastry snacks but didn't order them. I was feeling greedy and hence went for a full main pasta that I only consumed about 20% of because my body is somehow rejecting food now.
Last assignment: five things I think that Tudi / BH will like.
Muppets hanging on a bicycle - I only know Miss Piggy, what's the other one? And a brown bear going for $5. I feel sad for the bear being chucked aside on the ground like this. It must used to have an owner who loved it. Ah, how fleeting love is.
Bright smiley spidey hanging from a tree watching the crowds at the market.
Sexy red underwear specially for BH. I know he secretly really wants one of these. Hmm... but it may be a little small for BH's BD.
Eye candies! Stylo girl for BH and rugged man for Tudi (although I think the beard can go).
The Complete Works of Shakespeare for Tudi. And we should all go down Ghost Valley together!
An ornamental pumpkin to allay Tudi's fear of eating pumpkins - I find this so unbelievable that I thought I dreamt it up and had to verify with Tudi today. And nice shoes for all of us!
So how did I do? I think I deserve A***!!! What's next?
walking on reds
I was in Newtown on a wet and dreary weekend. Saw this pair of red shoes whizz past me amidst the grey surroundings and followed it without thinking. I had the 250mm zoom lens on manual focus for some other shots prior to this lady appearing and couldn't keep up with adjusting the focus on the red shoes. By the time I switched to auto focus, the girl has disppeared across the road. Although slightly upset by the blurred photo, I still like the overall effect. Tweaked the colours a bit in photoshop and it became my favourite shot of the day from the Newtown photowalk.
debut photowalk
Full set here.
I brought my new toy to Leichhardt on its first photowalk a day after I blew my July budget on it (there goes my iPhone! but I think the sacrifice is worth it).
I chose this suburb for my camera's debut because I've never really explored this neighbourhood in the west even though I've been there twice for dinner. As Leichhardt is famously known as the Little Italy in Sydney, I was hoping to capture some nice shots of the Tuscan architecture and immerse myself in the European culture this time.
The neighbourhood was interesting enough with Maserati and Ducati sightings that made me go gaga, Mafia-looking dudes (I rike!) who looked rather yummy and who were extremely friendly, and a unique rustic architectural style that projected simple grandeur.
It was a bit of a struggle getting to know my new dSLR camera, made very much worse by the wrist-breaking weight of the 55-250mm lens I decided to test out first. I also regretted not studying the instruction manual before heading out - big big mistake - which resulted in me fumbling with the camera's dials and knobs most of the time rather than actually shooting something. The storm clouds looming ominously overhead weren't very encouraging either.
Unsatisfactory as the photos turned out, there was still the occasional nice shot and hey I enjoyed the walk!
from me to myself
I bought myself a little present for my upcoming 29th birthday (partly also to reward myself for the efforts I put into my work for the past few years). It's something I've been hankering after for the longest time. Dante would remember having numerous discussions with me on getting my first dSLR since 2006 but I always disappointed him by changing my mind... until now. Most would have noticed how much I love taking photos. There is so much I want to photograph but I often find myself constrained by the limitations of a compact digicam. They're great for carrying around everywhere everyday but there are times when I don't mind lugging around an elephant on photowalks to better capture the beauty surrounding us all. After much researching on the specs of various brands and models, rigorous budgeting and price comparisons and practically running around for entire days to various shops to hunt for the best deal (I even had to exercise a bit of my almost non existent bargaining skills), I finally got the Canon EOS 450D twin lens kit with the EF-S 18-55mm IS and EF-S 55-250mm IS lenses. Time to relax and indulge a bit more in this little hobby of mine.
solely mine
While exploring Brighton-le-sands, I found a secluded stretch of beach where I laid my beach mat and enjoyed an afternoon of surfing the net, reading a book, sipping wine, munching on chips and watching the planes take off at close proximity until the sun set in a burst of colours. Check out my private beach below.
This was the old air traffic control tower when the runway was way shorter decades ago, I heard.
These pics below are to show how close my camping spot was to the runway. Could have been closer but I wouldn't have survived the noise.
I saw the SQ A380 bound for SG take off too and looked on wistfully.
It was very therapeutic watching all these planes take off.
I'm definitely going back to my private beach again.
a lazy book-reading day
I had a lazy picnic-and-book-reading-day-by-the-bay on Queen's Birthday holiday. It was a great day as can be seen from the blue-sky-white-clouds pic below although it was originally forecasted to rain.
This was the spot I set up my picnic stuff - my huge vintage series colourful beach towel served as a picnic mat, lotsa chips, coffee, books and camera.
I have finished reading Ferney and just started on this new one Promise of the Wolves by Dorothy Hearst. I had a great view of the airport runway where I watched airplanes landing and taking off while I read and occasionally snapped photos.
There were lots and lots of seagulls everywhere. They even harrass you for food sometimes. Oh well, they make for a good photo at times too.
When it got too cold, I got my heavy ass off the portable chair and did some walking around.
And discovered the Kyeemagh Boat Ramp Reserve where I observed families spending quality time together boating and fishing while the sun slowly went below the horizon.
I really relish these rare moments of me-time.
More photos here.
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