my bro and i

One of the highlights of my current trip back to SG is my late night suppers with Bro. Above photo was taken when we joined Sunshine23 and her friends at Dragonfly in St James Power Station for a short hour and a half before heading to Geylang for some frog's legs porridge and beef hor fun (thick flat rice noodles in a tasty black bean gravy).

Over these suppers, Bro for the first time, opened up so much and shared with me his love life, his career plans, his finances, his observations and opinions on the various incidents and events surrounding us, his worries, and most importantly on something that's been bothering me for a long while because I never knew where he stood in this taboo topic and never dared ask - his feelings and thoughts on my Dad's passing and how he coped through the years.

I listened, shared with him my thoughts on the various issues he brought up, told him about my own internal struggle dealing with Dad's passing, gave him advice wherever I could as much as possible and offered him the kind of moral and emotional support a big sister ought to provide for her little brother.

The years of distance between us melted away as we bonded in those few hours of chatting. Bro has matured beyond my expectations. There were snippets of conversation (coupled with some of the observations I made in the last week in my interactions with him) that touched me and totally convinced me the boy has transformed into a man now:

"I didn't feel a thing when Dad left us - I was 13. The full impact of his passing hit me when I was about 17 - 18. It then took me a few years to fully come to terms with it. The self discovery that his death deprived me of a chance to ever know him at all (I wasn't close to him at all when young) totally crushed me. I couldn't forgive myself for the way I treated him when he was alive. But I realised everything happens for a reason - I derived something positive from the unfortunate incident. I learnt that NOTHING ELSE, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN MY FAMILY WHICH IS YOU AND MUM AND I WILL DO ALL IT TAKES TO PROTECT AND TAKE CARE OF MY FAMILY."

Doesn't this sound familiar? It's similiar to what I wrote, in perhaps not exactly the same words, in various entries as I went through the same learning path over many many years.

those big glasses

While shopping around, Sunshine and I came across these big glasses and we had great fun trying them on. I think I may go back to OG at Somerset to get a few pairs. Which ones should I get? I personally like this first pair the most.

of scarves and cheongsam

Sunshine23 brought me shopping at Vivo City and Parkway Parade. You see me trying on scarves, cardigan and a cheongsam in the above photos. In case you're wondering, no I don't wear scarves in this treacherously humid weather. And no I didn't buy that cheongsam although I find it really cute, like a 1970s teacher's outfit. The teacher look would have been complete with a pair of those black rimmed glasses, a ruler and book in hand.

the most sacred task

One of my family's yearly rituals is to open up my house for a day of delicious food and lotsa gambling on Day 2 (usually) of the Lunar New Year.

Today, while Mama busied herself with whipping up her famous prawn noodle soup, curry chicken, fried bee hoon (vermicelli) etc, I was assigned the task of preparing ang pows (red packets with a token sum of money that married couples give out to the juniors as part of their CNY well wishes for them) for Mama to give out to the young guests we were expecting - mostly friends of my Bro's.

Mama thrusted a stack of $2 notes and a bundle of red packets at me and instructed me to slot the dollar notes into the envelopes. I think I had the most privileged task - Mr P got assigned to chill canned drinks and then arrange them nicely in an esky; Uncle was Mama's personal assistant in the kitchen; and Bro was still in slumberland but he had to set up the mahjong tables and poker tables when he got up.

There, here are the sealed packets with $XX (confidential family secret hehe) inside each of them. Job done. Easy peasy.

monkey years have passed

When I met my monkey cousin two days ago after a year of my absence, she couldn't recognise me and didn't talk to me at all. In fact, she appeared afraid of me and shied away from me altogether. A short 48 hours later, she was all chummy with me like I'd never left.

First thought when I saw her this time was: OMG how she has grown! She's a whole head taller than a year ago and she now sports this feminine short bob hairstyle. Here's how the monkey looks right now in the beginning of year 2009: (Interesting note: these were taken in the lift when SHE brought me to her flat's nearest convenience store to buy ice-cream for ME with HER money - see, she's holding her wallet.)



Here's the monkey in 2008 when she started imitating all my ^_^v when posing for photos:



And in 2007 when she still couldn't talk:



And in 2006 when she just learnt to walk:





She's changed so much over the years... but one thing remains constant... she still has that super guai lan monkey look. Not unlike her big sister me. Haha.

full attendance for 2nd year running

Last CNY was the first time we took a full family photo with Uncle's family. In fact, it was the first year he actually came and spent CNY with us at my place. Previously, he would always avoid us (my bro and I) as much as possible. I think it's because he thought we hadn't accepted him into the family.

This year, we had full attendance from both our families for the second year running. There was also significantly less awkwardness. Uncle even spent an afternoon with my grandparents, aunties and uncles playing mahjong. Looks like he has integrated quite well into my family and with Mama's side of relatives.



I am very happy for him and Mama. Truly happy.

cny mood in the house

We didn't put up much CNY decoration in the house this year because I didn't have time to go Chinatown shopping with Mama (I only landed two nights before CNY Eve, remember?). Nevertheless, there are still bits and pieces in the house that add to the Spring Festival mood. Although I have not yet learnt to appreciate some of these brightly coloured and old fashioned ornaments, I must say having some kind of deco is still better than none - they actually brighten up the whole house and are constant reminders that it's not just another day today, it's the start of a new lunar year!

Here we have the God of Wealth on our main door (the door is starting to show some cracks from the frequent slams caused by the wind) wishing everyone Gong Xi Fa Cai (translates to wishing you prosperity) and a bag of bah kwa (BBQed pork slice that tastes quite similar to beef jerky) with 2 mandarin oranges.



We have a new door mat. Nice! I really like the orange flowers against the blue background.



The red cushions on the couch. I don't find them very attractive but they do stand out and are quite nice to hug when watching tv...



On the Guan Yin (Goddess of Mercy) altar, Mama has this new crystal bowl to hold the oil and lotus shaped candle holder.



This Pi Xiu figurine below is not something new. It was a gift I brought back from China in 2005 for Mama. According to Wiki: In Chinese Feng Shui, a Pi Xiu is a mythical animal which is depicted with the head of a dragon and a dog or lion's body often with hoofs, little wings and a tail. It is a loyal guardian that is frequently seen guarding the tombs of emperors or on the roofs of important buildings. It is believed a Pi Xiu absorbs evil and as it has no anus the evil cannot escape and infect the place it protects. It also absorbs wealth from all directions and signifies money coming in without going out which is why they are often depicted with a full belly standing on a bed of Chinese coins. A Pi Xiu is also believed to attract short-term wealth, as in a lottery win or a cash bonus so is very auspicious in Feng Shui terms.

Mama has decided to display it prominently together with a mahjong tile that says Huat ah (to prosper) for good luck.



And because the new year is the year of the Ox, she bought these two cute figurines, but I think they look more like cows leh.



The below shots were taken of my grandpa's plants. It's a tradition to hang red ribbons and other red stuff on them for CNY.



I actually thought the fruits were real when I first glanced at them from afar. And I was damn amazed that my grandpa could grow strawberries in hot humid Singapore! What an idiot I am. Oh... but the little kam quat (baby tangerine) is real ok!



Below graphic is nothing related to CNY, however the monkey print is something Mr P painted on the wall in my old bedroom while I was away for when I next come back for CNY, so I guess you can call it part of the CNY deco for the house too. And here I present to you the monkey painter Mr P.



And hey, Happy OZ Day for all those of you back in Oz land!!!

paying respects to Dad

Every CNY Eve, Bro and I would go pay our respects to Dad. His ashes are in an urn housed in Man Fatt Lam Temple near Tanah Merah MRT Station, a short 5min drive away.



The temple premise is full of CNY ornaments and decorations. The festive atmosphere seemed strange to me as I have always associated the place with death and gloom. Can't really blame me here as the only reason for my visiting the temple at all is to pay respects to the dead.





But I must say I loved the flowers and plants that are all around, especially the many types of orchids in various colours.



After taking a short tour round the temple, I discovered that it's actually a very beautiful and peaceful place. If you ignore the waves of people rushing to pay their respects to their ancestors on CNY Eve like Bro and I always do. And oh, minus the irritating smoke from all the incense too - that always chokes me and makes me tear.



I still remember I wrote a very disgruntled entry many years ago (in Oct 2005 to be exact) on having to go pay my respects to Dad just to put up an act to others to show our filial piety. I can't seem to find the entry in Moblog though, so if anyone can send me the link to that entry, it'll be greatly appreciated. Thanks to Flyaway who sent me the url, you can read the entry here.

In recent years, Bro and I have been going to visit my Dad willingly, without Mama. We still go through the motion of offering incense, burning clothes and paper money for Dad's use in the other world etc. But we're now doing it for a different reason: so that Mama will feel more at ease knowing she's ensured her children had executed their filial duties.

I now look forward to spending a few minutes just having a one-to-one private conversation with Dad. I will update him on my life in the past one year. I will ask for him to continue guarding over the family, to make sure Bro and Mama stay safe and healthy.

There is no more drama of Mama screaming at us to prepare for the visit to the temple because she'll feel guilty and blame herself for her incompetence at being a mother if we don't do what's required; no more of me questioning the whole purpose of this pointless exercise because it's no longer pointless to me; no more sibling rivalry to determine who has the right (the background of this being in Chinese tradition, only the son is considered part of the family while the daughter is not) to represent the family to make offerings to Dad; and no more of Bro's tantrums and attempts to avoid his supposed duties as the only son in the family.

All in all, we have all grown. We have learnt to accept that certain things have happened and to move on. We have, in our own ways, found the reason and meaning to uphold the traditional practices. We now seek comfort in knowing that by what we do and not do, has significant impact on ourselves and to the people who matter around us. And all these have brought the family closer together.

mama's ring

Mama came to me today with the above ring. She asked if it will fit on my middle or ring finger. I tried it on and yes it fitted well on my right middle finger.

She made it appear unimportant, the way she thrusted the ring at me, "Nah, see if can wear." But I guess that's her way of showing her affection. I could sense her awkwardness when she tried to appear nonchalant but I knew she was secretly afraid I wouldn't like the ring. Granted it's not the prettiest ring I've seen around, I still love it. It's more the thought behind it than the actual gift itself.

I don't normally wear rings, in fact I seldom accessorise myself unless on special occasions, and I definitely don't have a huge liking for gold or gold plated jewellery. But I will definitely wear this ring tomorrow on CNY day 1 and for the next few days too if I'm going out. Because it's a gift from Mama.

I can feel a difference in our relationship now. And I think it's for the better. You just need to give some things time.

more sunflowers

Remember how I got fresh sunflowers greeting me everyday when I was last back home in SG ie. exactly one CNY ago?

This year, I got a surprise when I saw Mr P standing at the arrival gates as I pushed my trolley of baggage out at the airport. I was expecting my Bro. Mr P had collaborated with my Mama and Bro and driven my car down to the airport to surprise me.

I asked, "Hmmm... how come no flowers this time?" Then it struck me a second later, "Oh! The flowers must be at home!"

And ya, these cheery flowers greeted me warmly the moment I stepped into the room. Thanks, they're beautiful.

taking a break

Yoohoo!!! I am now in Singapore for the long-awaited break from work to spend some time with my family back home.

Not having been home for only a year, I am surprised by how much I am not used to a lot of things here now in these first two days on this little red dot of a sunny island.

The humidity is killing me - I had 3 cold showers in 4 hours last night before I slept because I couldn't stand being sticky and that oily sheen on my face OMG kill me pls...; I wince at the sight of the wet tables and floor full of litter and bits of food at the hawker centre I eat at; I seem to get knocked, pushed, elbowed, shoved and jostled about by wave after wave of human beings everywhere I go that I get stress headaches just trying to dodge the human traffic while trying to get some CNY shopping done; I panic when boarding the train because I'm the kind who will stand to one side to allow all alighting passengers to get off the train before I enter the cabin, but by then all other boarding passengers would have squeezed their way and there will be no more room to accommodate me.

But hey, even with all my whining, it feels GREAT to be home. Pardon me for the inactivity here on this blog in these 3 weeks while I indulge in some homey time with my Mama and Bro. I'll try to update occasionally when I'm not too tired.

my pop art portraits

I spent a whole Saturday at Borders poring through photography and photo-editing magazines and then half a Sunday trying to apply what I read.

I remember I'd always wanted to get one of those bright, colourful Marilyn Monroe pop art portraits and I thought I'd try creating my own. After reading an article "Create a Pop Art Portrait" by Howard Millard that was featured in Better Photoshop Techiniques Issue 16, I selected a few suitable photos from my photo library and played around with them. The results can be seen below. They are not perfect, but I love them.



Maybe I should make a few of these prints, frame them and hang them up in my room.



One thing I thought I should mention is that I actually did all the above with the touch pad on my laptop cos I don't have a mouse at home. It's a helluva lot of hard work trying to paint without a mouse!

can i still wear this for cny?

I got myself a new dress that I can wear for CNY. It's this gorgeous tube dress I found from a tonne of unwearable slutty clothes on the sale rack at Bardot in Eastgardens. Originally priced at $99.95, I paid $39.95 for it. The material for the main body of the dress is 100% silk while the top part is 96% cotton and 4% elastane. I reckon it's a damn good buy.

I was actually looking out for something red as my family's tradition is such that we always try to include the auspicious colour in our outfits for the first day of CNY. But the above dress is too beautiful and too much of a bargain for me not to acquire it. Seeing how my mum broke the tradition last year (and shocked the hell out of me and my bro!) by wearing green - green was her lucky colour according to the horoscope - I don't see why I can't wear blue this year.

My other problem was to stop myself from immediately wearing the dress out so that I can save it to be worn brand new for CNY - and this I failed. I wore it out for dinner on the weekend, with the glittery black scarf from Becky and the little black bag from Sunshine23 (both were X'mas presents I got last month).

It's just tough luck if I can't find something else for CNY in the next one week, I'll stick to wearing this dress then.

tears well up

It's another of those homesick nights. I dig out all my old photos for hours of reminiscence. I see this one and feel a sting in my eyes.

I miss all of you so much.

seeing oz through fresh eyes

Those who have been following my entries on Sunshine23’s adventures in Sydney will know I took two weeks off work to bring her around when she came to visit in Dec 2008.

In that period, we were together every single minute of each day. Some of the highlights in our time spent together were: We dressed up together for big nights out like silly young girls preparing for their proms; Sunshine23 pretended to activate the invisible manual overdrive mode by ‘cycling’ in top speed in the front passenger seat whenever the car experienced difficulties going uphill – okay, except for the one lucky soul (me) who witnessed this hilarious act, all others will have to exercise some imagination here; Our sudden transformations into toothless old women whenever we ate chocolates; My ability to adjust my G-strings anywhere and anytime with the skipping / ‘dragonfly tiptoes on water’ moves; Our creative scotch-tape and funnel solutions in times of ‘high tides’; and a lot more.

In short, I quote my housemate Becky who got to spend some time with us two crazy women: “I am damn amazed by your ability to self entertain”.

Amidst the laughter, I made some amazing self discoveries that got me thinking a fair bit lately…

Alright, this one is nothing new but I was suddenly reminded again of the one thing I miss most about Singapore and that is having close friends I can laugh and cry with around me. I have known Sunshine23 since I was 13 and that makes this year 2009 the sixteenth anniversary of our friendship. Sunshine23 wrote on her blog: “These 2 weeks have brought us closer… felt like I suddenly have a (another) sister.” and I agree. Making friends and maintaining friendships require effort. When I first arrived in Sydney, I complained about the lack of friends here, hence the occasional mild depression due to loneliness and self pity. 2.5 years on and the situation hasn’t changed much. I guess old friends are irreplaceable but there’s also nothing stopping me from making new ones. I need to take a step (more like a giant leap for this anti-social me) forward and uh… learn to make new friends…? At the same time, I think I’ve been taking old friends I have back home for granted. I am sorry if I haven’t called to ask how you are since my last trip back to SG. It’s not that you, dear friend(s), are not important, but that I am a bitch who doesn’t like making phone calls. Still it’s no excuse, I know… I’ll try to write (electronically) instead.

I put in 101% effort into planning Sunshine23’s itinerary and tried to share with her all the places, food and activities worth visiting and trying that I discovered about Sydney and its surroundings so as to make the trip worth her time and money. Because of this, I rediscovered Sydney and Australia in general with a fresh pair of eyes and saw how beautiful this country and her people are. I have been before to almost all the places I brought Sunshine23 to and never did leave each place previously with feelings of awe or thoughts of re-visiting it. This time round, I took time to research and explore each destination; I read up on its history and any interesting fact, spent more time walking the back lanes, had conversations with the locals and tried its food etc. The result was that I ended up leaving each place feeling as though I hadn’t seen enough of it. And I want to go back again. Up until now, I have never considered myself as more than a temporary visitor to Australia and I scoff at anyone who tries to convince me that life is beautiful in Sydney. Before, I had only been working here, not living here. I am now beginning to appreciate the lifestyle and culture here and may consider living here more permanently. Don’t get me wrong, Singapore is still my home and a place I will eventually return to, but for now, I want to start building a life here and enjoy all that this country has to offer me.

the romantic long jetty

I went on a road trip to Central Coast for the third time. The actual plan was to go to Warners Bay and Swansea at Lake Macquarie but I somehow ended up at other places instead. *shrugs* Photo below: Follow the road signs to get onto the Harbour Bridge. The weather forecast said there was likely to be chance showers / thunderstorm in the late afternoon. When I set out for my day trip, the sky was cloudy but you could still see the blue blue sky underneath all the white cotton puffs.



This was a random lamp post along the Pacific Highway. It just somehow caught my attention, could have been the numbers, I'm not sure.



Walked around a bit at this long stretch of beach in Terrigal. I've been here twice previously and the surferdudes-with-surfboard pic you see in my blog header was taken at this same beach two years ago.



Some random half-built sandcastle.



Dropped by The Entrance and it was coincidentally pelican feeding time. These pelicans are wild ones and they gather at this spot at 3.30pm everyday cos they're used to being fed by this group of volunteer pelican lovers. It's also a major tourist attraction as well.





I was trying to look out for the bird's feet when they were flying above me and couldn't see any! They are tucked inside the feathers and only stick out when preparing to land, not unlike a plane's landing gear. This particular bird had some problems trying to do a balanced landing.



It skidded sideways on the water and I couldn't stop laughing.



Found a gem along the road when leaving The Entrance. Too bad it was near closing time. I could have spent an entire weekend there.



The owner is proudly Australian as can be seen from the flag displayed prominently at the entrance to the main book store section. There is also a separate section called the 'Rare Books and Collectibles Room' where the books all look thousands of years old.



Stumbled my way to Long Jetty quite by accident towards sunset and oh my gosh, it's so beautiful. Below shot was taken with a wide angle lens on an EOS borrowed from a friend.



And all the below shots were taken with my humble T77 (as were all the other shots above except for the one pic specifically mentioned).



I particularly like this first shot on the left. Love the reflection of the simple white house in the water.



I would have stayed on to catch the beautiful sunset if not for the fact that the sun doesn't set til after 8.30pm and my rumbling stomach wouldn't have survived another 1.5hours of waiting to be fed. But no worries, now that I know this great spot for watching sunset, I can always come back with food rations, and proper camping and photography (I need a tripod!) equipment next time.