feeling down

I have been feeling really down ever since I came back to Sydney two weeks ago. The hectic work week immediately following my arrival distracted me a bit as I was mostly overcome by exhaustion to think about anything else. As I settled back into a steady work routine the past one week after my Boss left Sydney, the full impact of homesickness hit.

Other than work, I have not been motivated to do anything at all. I have dreams of Singapore, of people I miss and of Pulau Ubin. I don't have much appetite and only eat when I get really hungry or I will faint, and this led to some rather bad gastric pains earlier in the week that I had to take a day off. I hole myself up in my little room all the time just watching DVDs but half the time I'm not really focusing on the shows. I think up all possible ways to make my life in Sydney happier such as getting myself a car so I can get around more besides hiding in my room, getting a pet for companionship, signing up for some kind of photography workshop and brushing up on my photo editing skills because these are things I enjoy doing, making more new friends etc. But I get frustrated because there are a lot of constraints especially on the financial front and then I start thinking of all the other problems I have and start hating me for inflicting the frustration onto myself. It then becomes a downward spiral of no return into depression.

I am not a whiner. Nor am I one to wallow in self pity for extended periods of time. But this time I am taking a longer than usual time to pick myself up and I wonder why. I think I am badly in need of some encouragement.