the death of life

This is an old blog entry written on 12 September 2005 and I'm now republishing it in this blog. You can read the original entry complete with comments here.

Came across this in one of Blinkymummy's entries:
"Currently, the value of life is really only determined by the inevitable event of death. Without Death, there is no real Life."

Another of BM's more recent entries on the issue of choosing Life and Death:
"There is a difference between Staying Alive and Living. Choosing to Live is different from Staying Alive. The choice is one of free will and not obligation."

I have had to go through the ordeal of having to choose between Life and Death, between Staying Alive and Living to realize these simple rules of life that BM wrote about.

Recently, Channel 8 is showing the HK drama "My Date with a Vampire 3". In this show, the vampires live in agony for eternity. They never enjoyed Life and never understood the meaning of Life because Death is non-existent to them. They are merely Staying Alive. The sad thing for them is, they have NO OTHER OPTIONS. We have.

Before the one most irreplaceable person in my life chose Death, I live Life just like one of the vampires in the show. I had never thought about Death nor its existence. Though I had a lifetime ahead of me, I had never pondered about the meaning of Life or Living Life.

I hit rock bottom when the full realization of what Death and loss meant. Nobody understood the unsaid words, the unshown emotions, the guilt and the remorse that engulfed me. In fact, there were more pressure on me to Stay Alive, more obligations and more responsibilities than I ever had to shoulder. I couldn't breathe. I tried choosing the easy (some say cowardly; I felt it was the most courageous and yet most cowardly option) way out. Slashing; Drugging.

Obligation to my family eventually made me choose to Stay Alive. Realization of Death made me rethink my perception of Life. Understanding that Death defines Life and its values made me choose to Live Life.