the 3 suicides

I had the most disturbing dream (or should I say nightmare instead) last night.

You know how in dreams you're always a 3rd party viewing what's going on, and at the same time, you're somebody else involved in what's going on? The 3rd party you know that you're in a dream while the 'you' in the dream don't know?

Alright, I was actually looking at myself in this nightmare. First, I tried to drown myself in a pail of water. The 3rd party me couldn't stop 'me' from doing that cos the 3rd party me is just a pair of eyes, no physical form. The drowning me realized after a while that I couldn't die.

Then I jumped off a building. The 3rd party me's heart almost stopped. Tried to shut my eyes but couldn't. Everything started happening in super slow motion. Halfway down the building, I floated. The suicide me was taken aback and floated around aimlessly for a while.

Finally, I just willed myself to faint and collapse on the floor and willed myself to die just lying on the ground like that. The 3rd party me tried to scream out to wake the stupid me but no voice came out cos I didn't have one. (Remember, I was only a pair of eyes.) I knew that this suicide attempt would succeed as I felt myself going fast. Hence, the 3rd party me engaged 'me' in a battle of will power by willing myself to wake up from this nightmare.

Eventually, I woke up. Sweat drenched and exhausted. Very disturbing. Still can't get over it. What if the suicide me won? Would I still have woken up or gone on sleeping as if I was dead? Am I getting schizophrenic? Or have I been hitting too many snails and slimes in MAPLE and they're back to haunt me (cos that was the last thing I did before going to sleep)?

*shivers*shivers*shivers*