never a fairy tale

As I lay in bed sick on a perfectly sunny Sunday, I entertain myself with such silly clips.

these are what friends are for!

You will know who your true friends are when they start sharing new life experiences with you. Friends contribute to your enrichment of knowledge and enhancement of lifestyle!

The below Plurk discussion cracked me up so badly and brightened an otherwise dreadful evening that I feel compelled to share here.

Bamboohorse says oh my, today I just learnt to swing my hands when walking. It helps you balance. Everyone should try it.

Beakee says hey... the other day I washed 4 spoons together leh!!!

Bamboohorse is ROFLMAO!!!

Bamboohorse says pray, record a tutorial of it on video. I want to learn!

Monkeycrab says I can wash 5 pairs of chopsticks at one go!

Bamboohorse says oh my oh my! So many new things to learn!

Beakee says stress!!!

Monkeycrab says I am amazed to learn from Bamboohorse on enhancing the art of walking by swinging the hands! definitely gotta try it tomoro!

Bamboohorse will attempt washing 1 spoon and 1 fork at the same time tonight.

GoldenAbacus says ehh.. I manage to wash all my 10 fingers together.

Monkeycrab can wash all 10 fingers and 10 toes at the same time.

GoldenAbacus says teach teach!!!.. I stand can't do that in the sink.

Monkeycrab says do it in the shower la! squat down, put all your toes and fingers together, aim the shower at them, and wash!

Bamboohorse says then your fingers will smell of your feet?

Monkeycrab thinks the feet will smell nice nice like the fingers.

GoldenAbacus says or the finger smell like feet and feet smell like finger.. then u have to wash again to reverse it.

And we wonder where Tudi was the entire time.

tuts my barreh

Okay. I have managed to stop myself for a day now, but I can't resist any longer. This was shared by my Tudi yesterday and I just can't have enough of it.



This second clip is very entertaining too.

umbrella by rihanna

This is hilarious.

these people are big bullies

See what I mean by the bananas? Wouldn't you feel sorry for yourself too if you were the one being banana-bullied?



This is humiliating... aarrrrgggghhhhhh.........

i can't get over the bananas

I first started Twittering in Feb 2008. Then when Tudi highly recommended Plurk to me, I signed up for a free Plurk account in July 2008. However, I only did a grand total of O-N-E Plurk in my entire nine months of Plurk life which went like this: monkeycrab feels nauseous (this was in Aug 2008). I resurfaced in Plurk today after going MIA for eight months and looking back at my last and only Plurk entry, people must have thought I got pregnant and disappeared for eight months to give birth or something.

Anyways, it was fun fun fun re-discovering Plurk! The only reason I didn't Plurk much previously was because I mostly Twitter on the go via my mobile phone but I couldn't do that on Plurk. Blame it on myself for making zero effort to find ways to feed my Twitters to Plurk. Now that I'm getting quite hooked onto Plurk, I need to go research on how I can do this so I can Plurk on the move too. Anyone who already has the solution to this, can share please please please?

For the sua ku (literally mountain tortoise! means ignorant) people out there, this is a print screen of how a Plurk page looks like:



If you click to enlarge, you'll see that there's a horizontal timeline and whenever you, your friend or someone you're following on Plurk posts an update, it will appear on the timeline. Plurk allows you, your friends or the general public (up to you to set your privacy settings) to comment and discuss on the entries. The box on the left of the above pic shows the discussion thread when you click on someone's entry. You can even share photos, links and videos in a Plurk entry which you can't do in Twitter. Essentially, it's like a microblogging platform and discussion forum all in one. You can even add a widget and feed your Plurks to your blog like I've done on the left sidebar here. Very cool right?

Now I come to the objective of this entry... if you look at my Plurk profile below...



Do you see this word (in the largest font in white) 'Karma'? It's like a point system of measuring a Plurker's activity and popularity and I've only got a pathetic 7.30 for Karma. To give you an idea of how embarrassingly low my Karma is, Tudi's is 97.08 and Bamboohorse's is 70.47. For my Karma range, I am 'in the state of creation', while Tudi 'has reached Plurk Nirvana'!

So you may wonder what good does it do you if you have a high Karma score? You get Karma rewards! ie. the higher my Karma, the more functions I get to play with on my Plurk! Today, I had Bamboohorse, Tudi and Beakee all flaunting their dancing banana emoticons on one of my Plurks, which irked me cos I had nothing to show off to them!

This list of Karma rewards below includes a lot of exclusive emoticons while I only have a pathetic basic emoticon set of 12.



Being 'in the state of creation', I cannot even give a title/name to my Plurk timeline! And you would have also noticed I only have five friends (inclusive of one dummy: the default Plurk Buddy that comes with every new account) and three fans on Plurk. How sad that is. So, if you're interested in experiencing the Plurk highlife, please go to http://plurk.com/monkeycrab/invite (right now!) and sign up from there and you'll be helping me increase my Karma. Remember what comes around goes around. It's Karma! Arigatoh in advance and I hope you enjoy Plurking as I am now.

ps: I am going to drown you peeps in dancing bananas! Roars!

小红 goes to newtown

Hi! I am the little red bear my Mummy rescued from that dangerous game booth at the Coca Cola Carnival at the Sydney Royal Easter Show. I was squashed by hundreds of thousands of other bigger bears and weird animals in a huge basket until my beautiful Mummy fished me out. And now I can see the huge expanse of sky above! I used to only be able to see other bears' butts. Mummy has a housemate whom she calls 'aeroplane' in hokkien. And this hokkien aeroplane gave me my first name ever! So I am 小红. Nice to meet you all. Today I am a guest blogger on Mummy's blog because she thinks I am very deprived of the pleasures this world has to offer and one of these so-called pleasures is exploring the wonders of the internet.

Mummy promised to bring me out to see the world. I swear she is the nicest person in this universe. First she introduced me to her fiery red baby the Celica whose name is 老虎 as christened by Mummy's old friend Mr KT. Then she strapped me to the passenger door together with 小毛 - a monkey who's been Mummy's co-driver ever since she got the 老虎. I call 小毛 Korkor as per Mummy's instructions. I was told it means Big Brother.



We went to Newtown, one of Mummy's favourite suburbs near to where she lives. Then we started bumping into a lot of monkeys. Mummy said that was a sign. I did not understand what 'a sign' means. There was the monkey at the petrol kiosk waving to all humans who walked past, and there was this shy monkey peeping out a cafe window.



Mummy looked up and saw that the cafe has a funky monkey name which she immediately liked so we took a seat right beside the shy monkey by the window.



Monkeys everywhere. There was a mini one holding a tag that introduced the special of the day. I was confused. I thought human beings are the ones running the show on this planet? Mr Shy Monkey wanted a photo with Mummy so I became their photographer.





While Mummy busied herself studying the menu, I tried making conversation with Mr Shy Monkey. He is more than a hundred times my size but not scary at all.



Then the coffee came. The small cup was for me and the big one for Mummy.



My coffee has a heart shape on it, so nice. I read a book while enjoying my coffee with a heart. I never had coffee before this so I can't comment on the taste but Mummy said the coffee sucked big time. This lifestyle is very relaxing. Humans have such good lives, sip sip coffee la, read book la, talk to shy monkeys peeping out of cafe windows la... so unlike a carnival bear's life where we always have to struggle to get on top of the other bears in the games booth basket in order to see what's going on in the outside world. Because of my size, I only ever got to smell others' butts.



I saw a barber shop across the road and told Mummy it was about time I got a fur trim. My fur is getting quite messy.



The monkey cafe serves a lot of monkey related food such as: Funky Monkey Eggs, Mega Monkey Burger and Monkey Magic Juice. Mummy ordered the monkey egg dish and I tried a few bites of it using the fork for the first time in my life. EEeee I didn't like it. And I also think monkeys don't lay eggs so I can't understand why there is such a dish on the menu. Mummy hated the green leafy stuff underneath the eggs and took them all out. And look, we really did drop by the barber's after lunch. Alas, it was too packed and we didn't have time to wait. Next time then. Can you see that my right eye is almost totally covered by my fur? It's really difficult to see properly and I would need my perfect unobstructed vision for all the trips Mummy is going to bring me on. I want to go 看世界!



On our way back to find 老虎, we saw these posters. Mummy taught me that I have to buy her lotto tickets every week cos if Mummy strikes the big prize, then Mummy can bring me to see the bigger world and not just around Sydney. And Mummy can also accompany me every second of the day and not have to go do the human thing called work.



*Yawns* I am tired from our first excursion out. Til my next blog entry. Tata.

happy monkey goes out to play

Check out what my monkey co-pilot does in the CelicaR when we go on road trips...

those big glasses

While shopping around, Sunshine and I came across these big glasses and we had great fun trying them on. I think I may go back to OG at Somerset to get a few pairs. Which ones should I get? I personally like this first pair the most.

madness on NYE 2008

We cancelled our plans to camp for at least 12 hours under the hot sun at a vantage point in the city to await the much anticipated NYE fireworks for a road trip to the Blue Mountains instead. When we got back to Sydney in the evening, Becky informed us of a great place to catch the fireworks without having to fight the crowds. In between the family fireworks at 9pm and the main fireworks at the stroke of midnight, we had nothing much to do so we thought up a million and one ways of self entertainment.

The old granny and lunatic series: Sunshine23 and I tried to disguise ourselves as toothless old women with bits of Lindt chocolate. I also tried to dress up as a lunatic prancing around in my living room and ended up looking like a scary ghost floating across the room.




The corpse series: Sunshine23 pretended to be a corpse... except this corpse actually changes positions. Cause of death was probably alcohol intoxication or excessive laughter leading to heart failure.





The sea anemone series: I was a sea anemone. One that changes colour too.




The jumping series: we did heaps and heaps of jumps. Sunshine23 ended up looking like a butterfly.




The hair series: shooting some shampoo ad.





The pout series: where are all the fireworks????????



The crazy dancing series: the corpse resurrected and started dancing crazily, yelling the whole time.



The cheezels series: did some balancing acts with the cheese rings.



And the finale, the cockroach series: self explanatory.



There are more madness not for public viewing such as the bottle cap nipple series, the 'zao geng' series, the pregnancy series and the screaming series. If you are my friend on Facebook, you may be able to view a few more other photos than what I've posted above.

As you have probably noticed, we ended up not having a single decent shot of the fireworks. But we had lots of fun, which was what mattered really. For those I have not sent my wishes to (probably due to my not-too-sober brains at the time), here's wishing everyone a great 2009 ahead.

last night's news...

I couldn't believe it when I saw myself on the news last night! Unbelievable. In case you didn't see it, you can view it here:

http://www.themessagegroup.com.au/last-nights-news.php?title=20081203-Jacqueline-Pak_view.html

:D

silly email exchanges with BH

I was clearing my archives one day and came across many email exchanges with BH that made me LOL. Below are a few damn solid ones for reminiscing.

From: Edmond Wu
To: Jacqueline Pak
Subject: RE: joy is not going

:/ Yeah. Haha.
If you can’t make it it’s ok also. I can always go another day.


From: Jacqueline Pak
To: Edmond Wu
Subject: RE: joy is not going

Haha it’s ok. I need to go walk walk to rid myself of depression.


From: Edmond Wu
To: Jacqueline Pak
Subject: RE: joy is not going

Depression?? How come?? Tell me who bully you I help you to KS him.


From: Jacqueline Pak
To: Edmond Wu
Subject: RE: joy is not going

Who else but spg? Sianz.


From: Edmond Wu
To: Jacqueline Pak
Subject: RE: joy is not going

Omg. Wa. Donch worri. Ii will go and /find spg and den KS the char. Euu donch worry. Ii got vacuum hax, ii oso got powderfool guild to ks together. W00t. 1337 pwn. Blackcouncii rawks.


From: Jacqueline Pak
To: Edmond Wu
Subject: RE: joy is not going

Haha. Not only ks. But must K I L L. rob her of all her mesos and assets first. Then throw her into the flame boar map (where is that ah? I forgot man). Wah then maybe can make use of her to find the glass slippers for the quest. zzz.


From: Jacqueline Pak
To: Edmond Wu
Subject: i'm gonna have a hot cup of coffee and a few HIT biscuits. HUNGRY. zzz


From: Edmond Wu
To: Jacqueline Pak
Subject: RE: i'm gonna have a hot cup of coffee and a few HIT biscuits. HUNGRY. zzz

Can I go and have 1hit biscuit? haha


From: Jacqueline Pak
To: Edmond Wu
Subject: RE: i'm gonna have a hot cup of coffee and a few HIT biscuits. HUNGRY. zzz

Can can. U wan try the very nice Ipoh street coffee?


From: Edmond Wu
To: Jacqueline Pak
Subject: RE: i'm gonna have a hot cup of coffee and a few HIT biscuits. HUNGRY. zzz

Ah okie!


From: Jacqueline Pak
To: Edmond Wu
Subject: RE: i'm gonna have a hot cup of coffee and a few HIT biscuits. HUNGRY. zzz

Meet in kitchen in 2min then


From: Edmond Wu
To: Jacqueline Pak
Subject: RE: i'm gonna have a hot cup of coffee and a few HIT biscuits. HUNGRY. zzz

I am like, how excited to go home today. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!


From: Jacqueline Pak
To: Edmond Wu
Subject: RE: i'm gonna have a hot cup of coffee and a few HIT biscuits. HUNGRY. zzz

Ya suddenly very excited about the PERFECT FISH & CHIPS


From: Edmond Wu
To: Jacqueline Pak
Subject: RE: i'm gonna have a hot cup of coffee and a few HIT biscuits. HUNGRY. zzz

Yes yes! PERFECT *square*square*square*square* AND CHIPS!


From: Jacqueline Pak
To: Edmond Wu
Subject: RE: i'm gonna have a hot cup of coffee and a few HIT biscuits. HUNGRY. zzz

I see PERFECT and 4 squares and CHIPS


From: Edmond Wu
To: Jacqueline Pak
Subject: RE: i'm gonna have a hot cup of coffee and a few HIT biscuits. HUNGRY. zzz

Haha. Shit. I laughed out loud in office. Tonight must take photo of the PFAC!


From: Jacqueline Pak
To: Edmond Wu
Subject: RE: i'm gonna have a hot cup of coffee and a few HIT biscuits. HUNGRY. zzz

PFAC!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good. I’m gonna blog abt the PFAC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


From: Edmond Wu
To: Jacqueline Pak
Subject: RE: i'm gonna have a hot cup of coffee and a few HIT biscuits. HUNGRY. zzz

Yeah man. And I can link my blog to your blog during the 2 months in Sydney . HAHAHAHAHA!


From: Jacqueline Pak
To: Shawn Ang; Joy Su; Half-A-Brain-Cell; Edmond Wu
Subject: grocery

Me and Ed need to grab something from Coles later to make our perfect fish & chips for dinner. Anybody wants to buy groceries? But quick shopping no dilly dallying hor. Shopping time limited to half hour! Cos we want to go home make the PERFECT FISH & CHIPS!

50 years of me

I see so many people doing this yearbook yourself thing that I just have to try it myself. So here's me from 1950 to 2000. I spent a considerable time trying out with different headshots and adjusting the photos, but still, some turned out super fugly.

I think I look rather okay through the 50s and the 60s.



Then from the 70s onwards, it's pure disaster.



My personal favourite is 1960 - I look like a school principal. 1968 is not bad too - I look like my mum in her younger days. The worst one, I feel, is 1982 - I look like an ape or some other primate!

Go try yearbooking yourself. It's quite fun.